Who Cares Why The Caged Bird Sings?
by ToGleeksWithLove
Summary: Slightly AU in some places. Rachel doesn't really feel like herself anymore. L.A. was a bust and New York doesn't really feel as welcoming as it used to. She's alone and she needs a friend now more than ever. Maybe she'll take her chances in Chicago. Pezberry.
1. City Blues

**A.N.:** I'd like to thank Sasha272 for the prompt and for getting me back into my Pezberry state of mind and Paula De Roma for being such an insightful writer.

**Disclaimer:** I've never even been to Chicago let alone seen it.

"Final boarding call for 4:15 to JFK." The sound of the announcement resonated through Rachel's brain like a warning. A warning that was telling her, 'It's now or never. There's no going back after this.' With a deep breath, Rachel grabbed her pink carry-on luggage and her soy latte and determinedly strode through LAX Customs to where her flight awaited her.

Stepping out of JFK Airport and back into the city where this all started had a somewhat crippling affect on Rachel. That year and a half in L.A. completely ruined any bit of familiarity she gained with the city after high school.

There was an uneasiness to her walk now. The purse where she once kept a pair of running shoes for when she'd walk to work, now held wrappers, empty water bottles, useless numbers, and meaningless business cards. She now felt embarrassed for the harsh way she knew she'd have to call for a cab. Rachel Berry was actually afraid to take the subway. If she still had any friends they'd be laughing at her right now. She felt out of place here in the worst way possible. But did she even have the right to after the way things ended back in L.A.? She doesn't even want to think back enough to find out her answer.

This little experience has taught her one thing though. It is definitely possible to be absolutely alone in a city of seven million people.

Rachel tossed and turned that night in her hotel room bed. Being back in this city was bringing out some of her worst memories.

_If you ever pull something like this again, I will not only fire you; I will sue you back to the stone age for breach of contract. __And you'll never be able to work on Broadway again. Your reputation will not exist._

Rachel awoke with a start. Her body was covered in a cold sweat and there was a tight pressure in her chest. Sidney Greene hadn't lied when he said she would never be able to work on Broadway again. She couldn't see herself touching that stage again let alone having her name be positively associated with it.

_Then why in the world am I even back here?_

In all reality Rachel knew why. There was nowhere else to go. L.A. was a bust and there was no way she was heading back to Lima. The only people she actually cared about that were in Lima were her parents, Mr. Shue, and Sam. Her life stood on a proverbial head from where she was almost two years ago.

Unsure of how long its been, Rachel glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. It read 5:48 back to her with red glaring accuracy. Deciding to start her day twelve minutes early, Rachel trudged into the spacious hotel bathroom. The brunette smiled to herself as she soaked in the well crafted bathtub. At least there were a few things that hadn't changed.

Once again Rachel found her thoughts drifting back to her life before she made such a huge mistake.

_You're this huge talent, Rachel._

_Was_ this huge talent.

_You're a really good friend, Santana._

She was oh god, she was. She was probably the only other real friend she had besides Kurt and she didn't even realize it until it was too late. Santana was _always_ there. Through the pregnancy scare, Brody, Finn dying, saving her ass with Sydnie, and even helping her on opening night. These were just the things she'd done after graduation. If this is the amount of guilt she gets from thinking about Santana, she could only imagine how she'll feel when it's Kurt's turn.

She alienated herself her from the only people that gave two shits about her and the worst part is, she _needs_ them now. A lone tear runs down a tanned cheek at the thought. Rachel gets out of the tub and starts in on the next part of her daily self pity process. She stands strategically in the mirror and looks at the fading bruises along her body. They don't hurt as much as they used to. In fact, the memory of how she got them hurts more than the bruises themselves. She was young and naive to think she could survive on her own on the other side of the country. Actually, she's still young amd naive, but she's learned a few things; about the world and about herself. She learned that she was done fighting to take back her life. Now she's ready to start fighting to live her life.

An even more naive part of her wishes she were still stuck in the choir room fighting over solos and boys.

**A.N.:** Huh? Huh? What do you guys think? Its just probably gonna be a few chapters, but it's a little side project while I work on what I should be doing which is writing for my other stories. Im a procrastinator, sue me. Until next time...

TGWL


	2. One Of Us Is In The Wrong Place

**A.N.:** I guess you guys like this one? Oh, and on a side note, Brittana did kiss in the hundredth episode, but Santana didn't run away with Brittany. She took Dani with her to Ohio and _they_ went to Lesbos.

**Disclaimer:** …?

Six a.m. could not come fast enough for Santana who stared up at the ceiling of the loft. It was a lot more quiet nowadays sonce Sam went back to Lima and Artie began living on campus. A place to call her own would be lovely though.

_Yet I'm back here with the Twinkle Twins. Married life edition._

Santana could've been living the glorious minimum wage life with Dani, but that obviously didn't happen. They had a huge blowout in Lesbos when Santana confessed to kissing Brittany when they went to Lima.

She'd have sworn that she'd never seen Dani look so hurt even when she'd ignored the smaller Latina after getting kicked out of their band because of Rachel.

In reality, she never would've been back in Lima if it weren't for the AWOL diva. Sure she loved Glee Club just as much as the next Lima Loser, but Santana would've greatly preferred to send her love from afar.

Most of the events and or people on her shit list are because of or have a direct relation to Rachel fucking Berry.

"Ugh, she's not even here and she's still making my life shit." Santana mumbled into the girlfriend pillow she still secretly slept with.

There is one thing that Rachel left her that wasn't all that bad. Rachel left behind her precious stage.

Yes, even though she said it wasn't for her, there wasn't much else for her either. Now was there? She doesn't actually know; it's the same question her Mami asked her when she called her crying about her lack of direction she has in her life compared to all her friends. She didn't have an answer then and she doesn't have one now so she stuck with Broadway.

Except, she doesn't want to. Funny Girl is great, but it isn't her. It isn't her, it's Rachel, and that's the part that really sucks. Especially when she can practically feel Sydnie dying to say "Rachel would've done it this way", or "Rachel did it that way", or her personal favorite, "If Rachel were here…"

She hates it, she really fucking does. On one of her particularly bad days, Santana had had enough and actually snapped at Sydnie. It went a little something like,

"Well Rachel's not fucking here, so I don't care what she would've did! She's not here! God knows if and when she's coming back so until that God forsaken day is upon us, you've got me. I may not be _Rachel fucking Berry_, but I'm doing my goddamn best. If that's not enough for you maybe you shouldn't have fired her and shoved a lawsuit so far up her ass that she can't show her face in this fucking city!"

Needless to say, that day ended with the crew taking a half day and Santana at a bar in lower Manhattan until 2 am.

This has really been her life since sophomore year; playing second fiddle to Rachel Berry. She doesn't have the patience and mentally stability to metaphorically play second fiddle to a empty first seat for the rest of her life.

"What the fuck? Klaine with their wierd metaphor talk all the fucking time. Got me doing it too. Urgh!" There was a motion on her curtain. The silhouette looked Kurt-shaped so she made a noise signaling it was okay for him to enter.

"Get up Satan! Time to stop wallowing in self pity and start your day!" Kurt yelled in a too chipper voice for 6 am.

"Bite me, Hummel. You need to stop wallowing in Blaine's glitter spunk and take a shower. You wreak of sodomy." Kurt spluttered looking for a comeback with pink tinged cheeks. Finally he just huffed indignantly and left Santana's designated area.

"Oh, Sanny?" Blaine called sweetly from behind her curtain.

"Yes, Blainey?" Santana replied just as sweet and innocently?

"Are you harrassing my husband about our private sex life again?"

"I haven't the slightest of what your talking about. And just for reference, it's hardly private when the entire floor can hear it." Santana said as she moved to slide the curtain back and pinch his cheeks in passing.

"Ow! Where's my 'don't abuse the cook' apron when I need it?" As soon as the word cook left Blaine's mouth, Santana turned to face him noticing the bowl of pancake batter in his hands. Her eyes lit up as she ran to the kitchen table to seat herself.

By the time the two finished eating their pancakes, Kurt came strolling out of his shared room with his phone in his hand and an uncomfortable look on his face.

"Kurt, what's wrong honey?"

"Yeah, you look like you've just found out you're pregnant. And unless you've really been Kate all these years, I don't think-"

"She's back. Rachel's back. In New York. Her dads just called to tell me. They want me to look out for her."

"Kurt, honey, why don't we sit down and takk about this. Santana?" The girl couldn't hear him though. By now she'd turned back to her pancakes and continued slowly chewing on the forkful that was in her mouth.

_Rachel? Back here, in New York? Why? What does she want? Why didn't she call or or something!_

"No-no! Just no. They can't be serious right now. Thanks for the breakfast Blaine. I've gotta go to rehearsal. I'll see you guys later." Santana wasn't even in the state of mind to look them in the eyes. She just grabbed everything she needed for the day and left the loft without a sound.

Blaine looked saddened by what he just witnessed and Kurt just shook his head in the general direction she walked off in.

"She's just in denial right now. This hurt her too, if not the most. She'll come around eventually. She always does. I mean, this is Santana and Rachel we're talking about." Kurt explained to Blaine with a hopeful tint to this voice.

"Hopefully she does. I mean this is Rachel and Santana we're talking about." Blaine said repeating his husbands words and sharing a knowing look with him.

**A.N.:** I like this one. Maybe you do to? Reviews would help. Until next time…

_TGWL_


	3. Where Are They Now?

**A.N.:** The first sentence is from a web series, The Most Popular Girls In School. I just changed it from 'Fucking Rachel Tice' to 'Fucking Rachel Berry'. Anyway, check them out on youtube, they're funny as hell.

**Disclaimer:**_

_Fucking Rachel Berry. Always inconviencing others. Why now? She's had all the chances in the world to come back. The Klaine wedding, Kurt's promotion party, Mercedes's release party. I don't fucking get it._

Santana stalked into rehersal ten minutes late with nothing but attitude. She could've been five minutes early, but she had just spent fifteen minutes crying angry tears in her dressing room. She could feel eyes on her but it only served to make her more annoyed. Especially when she looked up and caught one of the dancer's eyes.

"What?!" The dancer looked to shaken up to answer but did anyway.

"Uhm, your mascara is a little smudged. That's all." She supplied to the Latina.

Santana had already had enough of this day and it was only 7:15. She angrily grabbed the makeup wipes from her bag and hastily wiped any trace of makeup off her face.

"Let's do a run through of Don't Rain On My Parade." Since Sydnie wasn't here yet, she had free rain on what to rehearse until he arrived.

The band started up and everyone got into place. Santana's sung this song dozens of times. Its just that each time she does, a little piece of enjoyment disappears.

"Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter." Santana remembers the first time she'd performed this song. Rachel's face had been the best thing ever. It hadn't been the first time she'd ever sung it. She wasn't stupid enough to audition with a song she'd never sung for a musical she's never seen. Maybe her knowledge of the film wasn't as extensive as Rachel's but she knew enough. How could she not when she lived with Barbara's reincarnation for over a year?

"Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter." She remembers the first time Rachel performed this song at Sectionals. She had always heard the diva talking about the song and humming it in the halls, but when she heard it and seen it with her own eyes it was a whole different experience. Santana would never admit this but she had to stop herself from clapping along with the audience when Rachel was done.

"Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!" Yeah sure, her voice was beautiful and she could belt if she wanted to, but it was nothing like Rachel's. She couldn't perform any of these songs the way they needed to be done and Santana's starting to feel like insistant runs weren't going to make up for her lack of breath control. She's gotten better over the years, but there's always work to be done.

"Stop! St-stop the music!" It was as dramatic as it sounded. In Santana's mind you could've heard an imaginary record scratch in the distance. This wasn't a game though as everyone could tell as Santana stalked off in the direction of Sydnie's office.

The way she banged on his door reminded her of all the times she rushed Rachel out of the bathroom in the mornings.

_What the FUCK brain? STOP!_

She doesn't want to think about Rachel. In fact, it'd been too easy not to think about Rachel. Which is why it should've rubbed her Mexican Third Eye the wrong way when she started having all these thoughts and recurring dreams about the young starlet.

"What is it Ms. Lopez?" That actually made Santana stop. What is it? What is it that she wants? She didn't know, but her mouth sure seemed to.

"I quit." He actually laughed at her. Now Santana actually wanted to quit.

"I'm serious, Sydnie." He waved her off.

"You've said you quit before and look where you are now," she shuffled from on foot to another, "Look kid, you can be Serious, Santana, or freaking Bo Jangles. I don't care. As as you're Fanny Brice by the time that curtain draws up."

"No." His faced screwed up in confusion and anger.

"No? What do you mean no? You, my dear, signed a contract. 30 shows, no exceptions."

"Except, I don't give a flying fart. I want out and I want out now. Sue me if you have to, you seem to love suing young girls anyway."

"Santana, Santana. Just wait for a second, okay? What am I supposed to do without you? You were the original understudy!" The raven haired girl scoffed at him.

"That doesn't concern me anymore. I'll fax you the number of my family's attorney." With that, Santana strode out the side door of the theater and leaned her head back against the wall of the building. She felt scared, yet relieved. Maybe she was heading in the right direction. That thought alone was enough to put a smile on her face as she walked down the street to a familiar place.

Walking into the Spotlight Diner was severely humbling. Especially since Santana had been all too eager to throw her apron into her shift manager's face while ranting about how much she hated working there. However, she took a seat at a booth in a corner and waited to be recognized.

"Santana! Is that you? For once my old eyes don't deceive me. How've you been?" Santana smiled as the old man approached her.

"Gunther you know how I've been. We work right down the street from each other. Well, we used to."

"Yeah well it might as well have been across town as much as I've seen you. To say you work down the street, you never step foot in here anymore. And what's all this used to business?" The unemployed girl rolled her eyes. Gunther hadn't changed at all.

"I'm not doing Funny Girl anymore. I quit." Gunther's face turned awry. He gave a grim chuckle.

"Hmph. You quit. You gonna go and skip town too? Should I start a business out in L.A., since that's where all the kids are going nowadays?" It was quiet. Santana took in what used to be her boss's appearance. He was still the same except there was a fire behind his eyes. It seemed to be fueled by rage. Rage from the fact that Rachel up and left and the insinuation that she was too.

_Maybe the old geezer cared way more than we thought._

"Im not leaving, you crazy old man. I just needed a change of scenary." He nodded as if he understood. But how could he? He's had the same job for over 30 years.

"Well don't look here. We don't need any of your teen drama scaring away customers." Gunther smiled to show he was kidding. He'd love to have all three of the singing teens back; business was coincidentally as good as it was when they first opened when the teens were employed there.

"Please. You and I both know that I got the most tips every shift. Regardless of my knack for teen angst." Santana laughed while Gunther waved her off.

"Order something already, will ya?" He pushed the menu on the tabke closer to her and walked off when she picked it up.

"Hi, welcome to the Spotlight Diner. Our morning specials are Broadway Baby Bagels and Classical Coffee. What can I get for you today?" Santana froze with the menu still covering her face. The waitress who was currently trying to take her order was Dani. She knew that voice anywhere; no matter if it were talking, singing, laughing, or screaming out in pleasure.

_Now is NOT the time Lopez! Just tell her your order._

Slowly she lowered the menu, still refusing to look up at Dani.

"Uhm, I'll take a blueberry muffin and a Classical coffee. Two creams-"

"One sugar. You don't have to tell me Santana. Some things are just committed to memory." Santana finally allowed herself to look up at Dani only to see a blank mask of indifference.

"Look, Dani I'm not-"

"It's cool, really. You work down the street. Its not like we wouldn't run into each other at some point. Let's not make this awkward okay?"

"Okay, you're right. Sorry."

"Don't even worry about it. I'll be back with your order in a sec."

Santana had half a mind to run from the diner. She hadn't seen Dani since they came back from Lesbos and that felt like forever ago. Santana even found herself taking a different bus route in case Dani had gotten an early shift. She felt silly because she remembered that Dani hated working first shift and avidly tried to avoid it if possible.

_So what's she doing working now?_

"Here we go. One muffin, blueberry, and one coffe, classical." Santana smiled politely.

"Thanks."

"No problem, anything else?" Santana hesitated.

"Actually, could I ask you a question?" Dani looked mildly skeptical.

"Shoot."

"Why are you working the morning shift?"

"Well somebody's gotta pick up the slack. What with all the new employees dropping like flies." Santana nodded guiltily.

"Plus, not everybody's dreams come true just like that." Dani grabbed the menu from in front of Santana and began to walk off.

"I have to go. I have other tables waiting on me."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. I get it. Uhm, thanks again." After that final jab, Santana had almost lost all of her appetite. She decided to leave some bills on the table and take her order to go.

She was about three feet from the door when she saw a sight that made her angry, relieved, and sad all at the same time.

"Rachel." Santana breathed. Rachel stood there looking at the bulletin that kept customers updated on community things as well as upcoming broadway shows at the theater.

Santana watched as her ex-roomate longingly looked at what she guessed was a broadway poster. She couldn't tell from the angle at which she was standing. Suddenly, Rachel turned on her heel and marched right out the diner. High school Rachel Berry style. Santana panicked and grabbed the closest thing next to her which happened to be a menu. She used it to cover her face as Rachel sped right by her.

When she lowered the menu she caught Dani staring at her with a disappointed expression on her face. She turned and left without a word.

_Way to add insult to injury, Lopez._

On the subway home, Santana pulled out her phone to send an emergency text to Kurt.

**To:**_ Lady Hummel:_ HOUSE MEETING ASAP!

**A.N.:** Okay! That's all folks. Don't ask me how it got that long, I couldn't tell ya. Reviews? Until next time…

_TGWL_


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